Cheers and mock: Monday

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You had a job since March 2020. A TASK. Get people to stay safe until a vaccine is ready to be distributed. You failed miserably. 375,000 people died because you couldn't convince your army of idiots to wear a mask. That's strange considering how easily they wear a hood. (…)

Your battleship will be freshly washed and waxed for internal security during the inauguration.

You lost. It happens to someone every four years. Get over it. Leave the White House and take with you these godly children and this sour woman. If possible, take Cruz and Hawley too.

Stay away from politics. Go back to building crappy hotels or bankrupt casinos. Spend the rest of your life writing a book or two that no one will ever read. You are now simply a page in history … a page that most of us will be ripping out and using as toilet paper.

So please. Just go away. If we never have an orange president again, it will be too early. I mean it that way. Really.

Read the whole wonderful piece here. I think you should read this at Joe's inauguration.

And now our feature presentation …

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Cheers and ridicule for Monday, January 18, 2021

Note: Important message for Joe Biden: If Chief Justice Roberts adds, "Help me God … now whisper your ATM PIN in my ear" during the oath of office, don't. It is a trap! -A. Ackbar, C&J Office of Skullduggery Detection

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By the numbers:

JoeBideninauguration.jpg "src =" "title =" JoeBideninauguration.jpg2 days!!!

Days to Inauguration Day: 2 !!!

Trump's approval rating in Pew's final poll of America& # 39; s first traitor: 29%

Percent in the same survey that rated Trump and Biden's "behavior since the election" as good or excellent: 23%, 64%

Current average US leadership approval among 60 countries polled by Gallup in the last year of Trump's presidency: 22%

Year in which an LGBTQ organization (PFLAG) was first featured in a President's opening parade: 2013

First year of the President's inauguration (McKinley & # 39; s) was filmed:: 1897

Year Dwight Eisenhower became the only President to be let (by Monte Montana) during an opening parade: 1953

DC Inauguration Day Forecast

Sunny with 42% humidity and a light, patriotic breeze.

High: 43. Low: Republican Party approval rating.

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Puppy picture of the day: Smart dogs on trial Let your lawyers speak for you …

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CHEERS to change the goalkeeper. With Senate control removed from both the Republican Party and the violent insurgents (excuse the dismissal), Democrats can now control everything from the temperature in the cloakroom (72F) to the size of the spittoons they are hurled on can Josh Hawley's head (no less than 3 inches in diameter). That includes the coveted Committee chairThis entitles the hammer bearer to immense power to set agendas, initiate investigations, approve bills and give the green light to presidential candidates. Those aren't set in stone yet, but here's who will likely add "Chairman" to their official nameplates when Team D takes over this week:

Agriculture / Food / Forestry—Debbie Stabenow (MI)

Medium –Patrick Leahy (VT)

Armed forcesJack Reed (RI)

Stabenow.png "src =" "title =" Stabenow.pngAs chairman of the Committee on Agriculture, Food and Forestry, Senator Stabenow can finally give the green light to my project of planting a million sweet corn trees by 2022.

Banking –Sherrod Brown (OH)

Budget-Bernie Sanders (VT)

Energy / natural resources– Joe Manchin (WV)

FinanceRon Wyden (OR)

Foreign relationsBob Menendez (NJ)

Health & Education –Patty Murray (WA)

Homeland securityGary Peters (MI)

Intelligence-Mark Warner (VA)

JudicialDick Durbin (IL)

Rules / Administration –Amy Klobuchar (MN)

Veterans Affairs-Jon Tester (MT)

First thought: know everything and nowhere near enough women. Second thought: But at least they are Democrats. Third Thought: If Dick Durbin becomes Chairman of the Judiciary Committee, he can order Lindsey Graham to sit down and shut up. Fourth thought: Dick, you lucky duck.

JEERS a sad presidency. It will be equal parts apathy, stupidity and incompetence that define the legacy of the Trump administration, and Exhibit A will be its handling of the coronavirus pandemic. Worldwide they are now over 95 million cases– a quarter of them in the US. Here are this week's numbers for C & J's historic record – the final review before Joe Biden grabs the reins of the crisis and lets science and common sense take over – courtesy of the most depressing dead board in the world, since our death toll now exceeds the population of America47th largest city Tulsa, Oklahoma:

6 months ago: 3.8 million confirmed cases. 143,000 deaths.

3 months ago: 8.3 million confirmed cases. 224,000 deaths

WILMINGTON, DELAWARE - DECEMBER 8: US President-elect Joe Biden attends the announcement by members of his health team, including his election as Secretary for Health and Human Services Xavier Becerra, on December 8, 2020 at the Queen Theater in Wilmington, Delaware . With the novel coronavirus pandemic continuing to plague the country with records of infections and deaths on a daily basis, members of the Biden health team said they will make fighting COVID-19 a priority. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images)I'm just waiting to show the country what real leadership looks like.

1 month ago: 18 million confirmed cases. 325,000 deaths

This morning: 25 million confirmed cases. 407,000 deaths

And in other messages I read that the pandemic happened single-handedly 13 months less than the average lifespan for an American. If we have a choice which one, I want my thirteen to be Trump's first month in office and then all of 2020.

JEERS to turn a deaf ear. That day 60 years ago, during his Farewell address In 1961 President Eisenhower warned us all of the rise of the "military-industrial complex". (Though we're quick to point out that Ike himself helped, his hands aren't exactly clean. But hey, come on – he did D-Day.) Every year as his warning keeps popping forward, that speech is at the top With LincolnGettysburg Address or FDR's Four Freedoms Speech:

"In government councils we have to protect ourselves from the military-industrial complex gaining unjustified influence, regardless of whether it is wanted or not wanted.

A somewhat typical headline from back then.A farewell speech that gets deeper every year.

We must never allow the weight of this combination to jeopardize our freedoms or democratic processes. We shouldn't take anything for granted. Only an attentive and knowledgeable citizenry can force the proper networking of the vast industrial and military defense machinery with our peaceful methods and goals so that security and freedom can flourish together. "

Let's see how it works: we did Let the weight of this combination jeopardize our freedoms and democratic processes. We did take it for granted. And we, the ignorant and apathetic citizenship did Not Force the proper networking of the vast industrial and military defense machinery with our peaceful methods and goals so that security and freedom will now fight like mad dogs. That being said … thumbs up!

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JEERS in a crappy way to treat your protectors. As if needing something else to tarnish their monster reputation, the President's son-in-law, Jared, and the not-so-secret crush Ivanka scowl at the way they handled their intelligence details, and apparently deny them the use of one of her details Six bathrooms in her DC mansion in the Kalorama neighborhood, near where the Obamas lived. The agency eventually rented a tiny rat hole for $ 3,000 a month for their outpost, but here it is how confused it got before:

(O) Ne law enforcement officer who is familiar with the situation and tells the Post, "It's the first time I've heard of an intelligence detail that has to go to these extremes to find a bathroom."

SecretService.jpg "src =" "title =" SecretService.jpg“When you're done with Starbucks, can I have your cup? It is an emergency."

The agency has spent months trying to secure facilities, including a porta potty, which the Post said was removed after neighbors complained.

Then … agents began using the bathrooms in a command post in Obama's house that was used by his security. That option ended when the Obama detail banned the Trump / Kushner detail after a secret service manager of the latter left "an awkward mess" in that bathroom at a time before Fall 2017, the newspaper reported, citing a person who who was informed of the event.

Agents then began driving to Vice President Mike Pence's home at the Naval Observatory about a mile away for a bathroom or local restaurant facilities, police officers told the Post.

We hear Melania is so upset that she launched a new hashtag for the public service: #PeeBest

CHEERS synonymous with fever! Happy 242nd birthday to Peter Roget, who published the first thesaurus in 1852 (a decade-long effort to partially help him cope with depression). Curious as to whether there was a synonym for thesaurus, I went to – where else? – find out. Your list is BOGUS, and for the umpteenth time I want to tell you why:

A thesaurus is a glossary, but a glossary is not necessarily a thesaurus.

Thesaurus_Day.jpg "src =" "title =" Thesaurus_Day.jpgFinally – as of today, the end of these unbearable thesaurus Christmas carols.

A thesaurus is a Language reference book, but a language reference book is not necessarily a thesaurus.

A thesaurus is a Storehouse of words and a Treasury of words and even a Word listbut neither a storehouse of words, nor a treasury of words, nor a word list is necessarily a thesaurus.

A thesaurus is a Onomasticonbut an onomasticon is not necessarily a thesaurus.

Now you know why my parents made sure they never run out of earplugs.

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Ten years ago in C&J: January 18, 2011

CHEERS to the blessed silence. If you've gotten used to faithfully tuning in at lunchtime every day to hear the latest from the Super Docs on the condition of Congressman Gabby Giffords and the other shooting victims who are still in the hospital, your routine today will be disrupted. Everyone is doing so well and making progress so quickly that the press gag is no longer necessary. Doctors at University Medical Center will reappear when Giffords is discharged, which could be days, not weeks. Boy, when people say they're moving to Arizona because the dry heat is therapeutic, they're not kidding.

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And another one…

CHEERS on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Once again we are grateful and quite impressed by what he has achieved for black America – and consequently for all of America – in his far too short life. Like all humans, he was flawed. But he had this persistent dream. And come hell or high water (or fire hoses or rifles or night sticks or prison or whatever else the bigots might throw at the movement), he refused to shut up and sit down or combine violence with violence. Note, all insurgent fools:

"When bad men plan, good men must plan. When bad men burn and bomb, good men must build and bind. When bad men shout ugly words of hate, good men must commit themselves to the glories of love. Where bad men would seek Um To maintain an unjust status quo, good men must try to establish a real order of justice. "

July 2, 1964. President Lyndon Baines Johnson presents Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. one of the pens used to sign the Civil Rights ActWith LBJ in signing the 1964 Civil Rights Act

"Non-violence is a powerful and just weapon that cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals."

As fate would have it, King and I lived together in that tiny bruise in the middle of nowhere, if only for three and a half years. The older I get, the cooler this fact gets. So I'm adding it to my bucket list retrospectively. Sue me.

I wish you a tolerable Monday. The ground is open … What are you cheering and mocking about today?

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Today's shameless C&J testimonial

I don't know if I've ever posted something that says this, but at one point (at the beginning) I definitely thought Cheers and Jeers was a stupid idea. NOT CORRECT.

– Atrios

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